“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”
– Ernest Hemingway (via dissapolnted
(Source: auspicious--infp, via extremely-forgettable)
I keep telling myself.. That I want to be the person I was last year. But years keep going.. And I’m slowing slipping under. The person I was last year.. Is better then today. But not who I was 5 years ago. Every day.. I fall more and more. And I’m slowly loosing myself. I can’t even answer simple questions about myself anymore, because they all have the same answer.
What do you do as a hobby? Drugs
What did you do today? Drugs
What’s on the agenda today? Drugs
Who was I last year, or 5 years ago?
I ask myself what can ease the pain… Because I can’t keep up with the amount of fuck ups and baggage I’m carrying around. I’ll just take one, just so I can look at the unfamiliar familiar faces. But 1 turns to 2… 2 turns to 4. How many am I at now? Does it matter. The pains gone. 17 years old with more fuck ups then my parents combined. Graduation day right around the corner, but no fucks to give. I’m done with the hurt, the lies, the pains, the cheating. Everything is done. And I want it all to end. Just give me one more day.. To fix the broken mends. I’m not promising tomorrow. There’s a slim chance on today… But I have right now. How much longer can I fall.. Until its over. Because.. I don’t think I can walk one more day in my shoes. It doesn’t get much worse then how it is. I’m sorry I’m a constant fuck up. I wish I could look everyone in the face and apologize. Tell me feelings before its to late. I’m trying. If only I could swallow my pride.. And just tell you how much I need you to live. It’s not a question of humanity anymore. There’s no Me. There’s You. Because I need You more then I need Me. Without You.. Tell me why I look forward to tomorrow. I know Im not the same. But I’m coming.. I am. You shouldn’t have to wait anymore.. But just give me sometime and it’ll be back to normal. Take me back to summer. When I didn’t have a care… Summer caught up to me fast. Because.. I went from the whole world in my hands.. To alone. Same place I started.